Retire this Indian proverb, please.

WARNING - NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH

Gilbert Bouchard's body was fished out of the North Saskatchewan river this weekend.

The writer, popular culture commentator and broadcaster had gone missing late one night in April when he went out for a walk. It was reported that Gilbert had been battling depression and had gone off his medications.

A search was organized, and posters were put up, and a FaceBook group was formed. Despite rumours of Gilbert having been spotted a couple of days after he left on his walk, there was nothing concrete until this weekend.

In the interests of full disclosure, I have been only nodding acquaintances with Gilbert for years. He was supposed to be the editor of my first book, way back in the early years of The Books Collective. After agreeing to do it, he faded from the project and he was replaced. In the ensuing years, I stumbled across Gilbert infrequently. He was focussing on visual art and popular culture commentary while I focussed on theatre and classical music.

A year and a half ago, after Gilbert wrote a particularly mean and personal review of one of my plays, someone offered an old Indian proverb: Sit on the bank of a river and wait: your enemy's corpse will soon float by.

Here, in 21st century Edmonton, that proverb had no reality. It was abstract, about karma in general, and it was said without malice - I was being told to let go of my anger, and I did. I wrote a short story titled Driving Day in which people on a happy drug travel down the river to an unknown destination, trying to pull people in with them. So the reality of Gilbert floating in the North Saskatchewan is sad and disturbing. If anything proves to me that Gilbert and I were not enemies, it is this unexpected feeling of loss: I wish Gilbert were still here, still burbling on the radio, still striding about downtown in his long black coat.

Gilbert had his own demons, and many of us were unaware of them. He revealed his excellent qualities to some people: curiosity, generosity, hard work, fun. Our community has lost a man who had passions, who sparked dialogue, and who continued to seek his own path in the world with his own kind of integrity.

I live near the river. I never want to see anyone float by under any circumstances.

Peace, Gilbert.